BOOK BUZZ: Depth of 'Soul' challenges gay male stereotypes

                                 By JOHN BLAKE/Staff


NONFICTION

The Soul Beneath the Skin: The Unseen Hearts and Habits of Gay Men.

By David Nimmons. St. Martin's Press. $14.00  256 pages.

      One of the most prevalent stereotypes of gay men is that of hypersexual gym bunnies, more
preoccupied with pecs than principles.

      That's also the image that the media typically focus on at events such as this weekend's Gay Pride
Festival in Piedmont Park.

      But David Nimmons, 45, author of "The Soul Beneath the Skin," is urging people --- including gay
men --- to redefine that image. He says that gay men have created a new model of masculinity. And it
has nothing to do with pecs.

      "Our levels of public violence are vastly lower," Nimmons writes. "We volunteer more often,
demonstrating levels of altruism and service quite distinct from other men. We are redefining gender
relations in powerful and novel ways."

      Nimmons is the past president of New York's Lesbian and Gay Community Services Center and director
of education at Gay Men's Health Crisis. From his home in New York, he talked about his book.

Q: What prompted you to write this book?

A: During a summer on Fire Island [a popular Long Island hangout for gays] I noticed how
many of the rules of the culture were so different from the rules of the larger culture. . . . I just looked
around and thought, this is remarkable what's happening. The conventional story is that this place is all
about muscles, drugs, wealth and whites. But some of what's going on is culturally changing. I saw this
happening in a lot of places.

Q: What are the distinctive features of gay male culture?

A: Our sex is maybe the least important way we're different. Our levels of public violence are  far lower, gender 
violence is exceedingly rare, we  have high rates of caregiving and volunteer service,  whole different patterns of friendship, and a different relation to bliss and spectacle, for starters.   

      When I speak to rooms of 50 to 100 men, I ask, "How many of you have had primary, bonded, deep
relationships with a woman as a friend?" Two-thirds of the hands go up.

Q: Why do gay men have deeper friendships with women?

A: We both have a certain minority status. We both have a lot to teach each other. Gay men have
experience and knowledge in work we've done around issues of authenticity and empowerment. Women
and gay men are more likely to live in an emotional realm with their friendships.

Q: In your book, are you talking primarily about white, affluent and urban gay men?

A: No. The patterns I describe transcend  just white, urban male culture. I talk about rural cultures, African-American men, Asian men
and Latino men. The phenomenon is happening all over queer male culture. The patterns look different in
different communities.

Q: What can straight men learn from gay male culture?

A: If you talk to straight men, one of the sorrows of their lives is that they don't have a lot of close
friendships. Straight men could learn how to be with women so we don't have books like "Men Are
From Mars, Women Are From Venus." I think we're already seeing throughout the culture ways that
men are learning from gay men. Grooming and body care is an example. I think both sides can realize
that they have common ground. There's nothing straight men have to fear from gay men.